Generally speaking when it comes to the day to day, I don’t consider myself a very nervous person.
I feel in control of my day, I get up at the same time, get my suit and tie on, have the morning chat with my fiancée about what the plan is tonight when we get in and clock in to work.
Part of that is because I do a lot of extra work outside office hours to ensure I know every process, nuance and issue at my work- and given that I work in banking there is always some new problem. I don’t feel nervous though, I like being challenged, it keeps me interested and focused on my work. If I did the same thing day in and day out, I would become very bored.
So when I am in control, I don’t feel nervous, I feel content.
What makes me nervous, what keeps me awake at night are things I can’t influence.
First of all, a second Scottish referendum. After a great deal of soul searching, arguments and bitterness, Scotland voted to stay in the UK. I even went leafleting on a few days, that is how much I believe the Union is worth fighting for. If Scotland had voted to leave, I would have been sad but accepted it, it was stressed constantly that this was a once in a lifetime decision. No one made the decision lightly. The results came in and I cracked open a bottle of champagne, relief was palpable. They say the unionists didn’t really do much celebrating- I think there were a lot of people like me who after weeks of feeling nervous were just relieved it was done.
Then after barely a year, there was already talk of a second referendum. As of 2017, the First Minister is openly discussing indyref2.
It makes me angry, it makes me nervous for the future and I can’t do anything to really impact it. If the First Minister calls it, it will happen. If the second referendum happens, I will be out campaigning for the union again but I don’t want to have to do that. While we argue over independence everything else (the state of the NHS, Police Scotland scandals) all that is just pushed to one side.
Secondly, I am someone who really doesn’t like drama. So when something kicks up with my friends or family (haha who are a volatile lot, something always seems to be happening), I feel on edge and nervous. This is for the same reason as the first point. I feel I cant influence it, I can offer support, I can try to calm things down but if two people fall out, they might need to fight it out themselves.
Nothing wrong with feeling nervous, I would say it is important to know why we feel nervous and try to identify a common cause. I know what my underlying issue is and I can try to tackle that in the future.